I want to burn the pages

I want to burn the pages where I scribbled your words in a rhapsody of rhymes,

I want to burn the pages where your running between the lines, like a little kid,

I want to burn the pages where I wrote our song and filled it up with the golden hue of the sunshine,

I want to burn the pages that reek of the smell of the roses you once gave me,

I want to burn the pages that I’ve stitched together with a thread of love,

I want to burn the pages where the words laugh merrily whilst having discussions about you,

I want to burn the pages where you made your home, where I’ve described you like an autumn evening,

I wanna burn the pages, where the letters sit waiting to reach their long lost destination,

I want to burn the pages where the ink is smeared and the blurry words tell a story,

I want to burn the pages that I wrote ever after that July monsoon afternoon,

I wanna burn the pages where I made a love story,

I want to burn the pages where your smile slowly married my rhymes,

I want to burn them, because they are a personification of you,

I want to burn them because I wrote them with a one track heart,

I want to burn them because they don’t belong to me anymore,

They’re all yours,

Their history, past and future, their rhyme, it all belongs to you.

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We’re kids who fell in love

A hot day of summer in May,

A walk to the closed library ended up becoming a memorable day,

Sitting on the edge of enchantment, wondering if it’s all worth it,

You threw in a little hint of suspicion, we played games, enjoyed every single bit,

You were an angelic full moon night, and I was just a morning star,

Soon enough, you were in the scribbles of my notebook and the tune to my guitar,

You sat in between the words I never could sought the courage to say,

Neatly wrapped up in a golden hue, with a smile that drove away all the blues that made me grey,

And we read chapters of each other, tracing each word carefully, understanding the pain,

Your hands fit perfectly in mine, my image enveloped safely within your eyes,

Where I saw numerous dreams, you said within mine you saw an everlasting sunrise,

Your warmth sits besides me whenever I feel alone, there’s a part of you always curing me,

And your whispers echo within my empty room, and your words find place within my poetry,

We’re just a step away from loosing our directions in this long car drive, we’d end up being Bonnie and Cylde,

But if I’d have the world chase me for a crime, I’d be glad to have you by my side.

Apocalyptic love

It’s like a wonderland of memories, you know. Everywhere it’s you, your shadows, the echoes of your voice, everywhere around me play the videos of you and me together in our cushion castle, they move like screens and leave me in the darkness for seconds that seem infinitely long. All it took was one long drive and we knew where we stood, a sunset of full of stars in our bedroom, you left me alone to see that all to myself. It’s a wonder what I’ve created with only the feel of your touch, your scent that has started fading away from the shirt you left behind when rage took over you and our paper planes crashed and the room looked like the inside of a spectre set on fire. I’ve made a forest of trees with our pictures, burning, turning to ash, the wind bringing some back to me. Our love was like waves crashing on rocks slowly but hard enough to break it into two. When you left me, I saw you seeing me, looking back again and again, as I stood there and attended the funeral of our newly dead love. You drove far away, to a place where thorns don’t hurt but the roses do. A place where your sunrises are red and your sunsets are blank white. You hit the brakes too soon, as the glasses shattered and the smoke covered up for the harm you did, the smell of your blood on my dress and the stains are still so fresh. Scars and wounds that heal and hurt again, the place where we once danced is haunted now, a place where we’ve become myths, the moonlight still falls down to signify the glory we once had. But I know you’ll never forget me, the taste of my lips will feel like a poison you’d crave for, you’ll see nightmares of me standing under the tree, where you carved our names, you’ll see my in my white frock, our nights will be the day dreams that’ll follow you everywhere. Your hoodie that I stole will be the only thing you’d want to wear, you’ll spend an infinity with nothing but my eyes watching you, looking away whenever you look into them. Your sighs are the winds in my world and my tears will fall like rain in yours. Your brown eyes and messed up hair and you standing with your crooked smile is all I see in a cloudless sky and all you see is me, laughing and touching your cheeks, my whispers will be the only music you hear, and when you’ll drive back in the same car you left me alone in, I’ll still be sitting on the staircase, eyes smudged, waiting for you and the touch that never really went away, but I won’t give in to you, even when we kiss and you don’t let me go, I’ll leave, because you’ve hurt me enough, I’ve fought wolves, I’ve walked through never ending bushes of thorns wanting to escape you, I lost you, but you lost me too and when you left me you left a piece of yourself with me, and you’ll just be like a soul lost in the morning mist, me? I’ve found the shore, I’ve saved myself, I’ve found myself.

Types of lovers.. which one are you?

There are different kinds of lovers, each and every person in the world loves in a unique way, some express it so freely, they will make you feel like the most luckiest person in the world, they’ll take you to all your favourite places, every weekend just show up at your door with a bouquet of flowers, they’ll take you to long drives, kiss you in the sunset, nothing will ever seem wrong when you’re with them, their love is what they call hard to find, but hey, love is always hard to find isn’t it? They’ll get a tattoo of your name, take you to meet their family, because when they fall in love with you one things for sure, they make you a part of their family, they love with no regrets, and that’s the best thing about being able to express your love with all you have, because if it doesn’t last you at least gave it your best shot.

But then there are some people, like me who keep their love hidden in their diaries hoping for some modern day fairytale to come true. Our life is just selecting a particular individual and imagining all the possibilities that could happen if we ever ended up together. We are altogether a different kind. When we fall in love, oh, the world will come crumbling down with the power of our lack of control on ourselves. The person would show up in front of us and we would evaporate like water on the desert sand. The butterflies, the feeling in the intestines, the feeling of just throwing up and running away and living in the wonderland we created for ourselves in our head. Yeah, I’m talking about the lovers who get the unrequited kind of love, it’s always the most terrible one, that’s for sure, but hey, we do get our happy endings, it goes something like this: suddenly the person we love starts dating someone else and we just sit on the park bench mourning our loss and there it is, a total stranger walks up and love begins again in a coffee shop.

Then we have the ones who love in silence, they won’t freely express their love for you but it’s more like you need to find that love in the small things they do for you, like preparing your favourite breakfast, giving you your favourite book on your birthday. You must be thinking everyone does that for someone they love, yeah you’re right. But these people do only that, they can’t ever seem to do anything more than that to express their love, but that doesn’t mean their love is limited or minimal, it’s definitely not, they wanna give you happiness in the smallest things in life, the ones which we always seem to miss out and the ones we choose to ignore, the silent lovers will make you see all these things in such a different way, they’ll make you realise that love can be given by just offering your empty hand to someone just at the time when they need to hold it.

And love will walk into your life at the most unexpected moment. You could think that you’re not going to let your walls down, and boom the next moment you know is that there’s this stranger who you’ve let in and you don’t care how it ends, all you need right now is that feeling, and maybe that’s when you get the ending you needed. Don’t run after love, let it chase you. You’ll get something that is something I like to call the best thing to ever happen to you.

Well, no matter what kind of love you give, all that matters is you give someone a reason to smile, a reason to look outside the window and think ‘someone’s thinking about me right now,’ and you know the best part about it is that they know it’s you. Love is the best feeling in the world, yeah, some may like to disagree, but hey, think about it, when you have something in your life that makes you happy and you won’t ever let it go what do you say when asked about it? I’m sure the answer is ‘I love it’.

The scent of my childhood

It’s still fresh in my mind as I sit on the edge of growing up,

The smell of the grass in the playground where I played, when worries weren’t even half a cup,

The years where soiled clothes weren’t a worry and the only wounds I got were on my body,

When I smiled with my scanty teeth, and when I loved everybody,

Playing hopscotch and riding my bicycle within boundaries but still feeling free,

Making the stray cats my friends, climbing over my favourite tree,

Soaking wet in the rain during monsoon, not minding Mom’s anger,

Lazy afternoons and wishing that the evening would last a little longer,

Now, all of it seem distant memories, ice cream isn’t the same as on a hot summer afternoon,

I don’t wake up on the bed after falling asleep on the couch, I know I’m not being followed by the moon,

Story books of fairies and princesses have turned into a tale of never ending attacks from demons,

Happiness is just a metaphor now, there are not a lot of reasons,

To actually smile, because hate has been plastered to our hearts now,

But I’m still holding on the thin string of my childhood somehow,

Believing that that tooth fairy is real and that a Prince Charming will come,

The scent of my childhood is fading and life has become nothing but glum.

~afreen

A musing for loneliness?

There’s a silence in the world but still a voice that echoes,

Hearts that beat but bodies that are scared to let go,

Winds that talk to you but words that still fall short,

I wonder why we try to forget, we see ships sail, sometimes we leave memories behind on the port,

There’s a sunrise for everyone but only few want to see the sunset,

We drive away, from people, from our old selves, something we often regret,

Why do we cry, why do we say our goodbyes?

We think that we’ve found true love but we don’t even look them in the eyes,

I ask my heart, why do you feel things that break you?

Why do you keep expecting things that are difficult to live up to?

But it says, every journey has an end, but the distance is what makes it worth,

It’s just an infinity of dead ends but we keep on moving forth,

We live, we love, we laugh, we cry,

But in the end when night comes we wonder why,

It all ended too soon,

And we wonder why souls fly away to the moon,

~afreen

A story within a stanza

We’re heartbeats synchronising with the tune of our song,

We’re sunrises and morning stars fading, and living from dusk till dawn,

You and I, we’ll pick thorns from our roses, we’ll bleed the colour of love,

I’ll be your muse, you’re the only star I talk to between all those fireflies above.

~afreen

You believe black is the colour of your sky

There’s a fine line you know,

Between wanting to hold on to something and letting go forever,

You feel betrayed but you still have hope that maybe things will change,

You sit in your room alone thinking that winter is beautiful,

But nothing helps because you feel cold within yourself,

Like someone or something has made your blood go cold,

But you still hold on to something,

You look for the sunshine everyday, peeping through your curtains,

You smile,

You laugh,

You try to love things that aren’t even your interests anymore,

All because you want to be happy,

Hours of looking in the mirror and seeing nothing but all your past mistakes,

Splashing water, over yourself, screaming,

Still trying to make things better by trying to find the piece you lost in the path of growing up,

You go on long drives, it makes you feel like there’s something more to your life than people who’ve left,

You think about yourself,

You feel like nothing is worth the pain you’re giving yourself,

You want to start everything all over again,

But the struggle of going through all of it again stops you,

You always have a little hint of happiness on your face,

When someone compliments you,

You laugh thinking how good you’ve become at deceit,

But you still love flowers,

You still talk to the moon,

You still call your best friend and help them through their problems,

You say you’re okay,

You feel okay,

But the feeling of being just okay kills you,

You are a person who is supposed to be great,

You’re supposed to be the sunshine to so many peoples lives,

But what do you do when your own life has come to a never ending eclipse is the question you ask yourself,

You don’t give up at anything,

Even if it counts to nothing,

You still live,

For yourself, most importantly,

And that’s what makes you a hero,

Because when everyone else gives up,

You’ve still held on to yourself,

And with time you’ll heal,

With time.

~afreen

She found herself

She was screaming from inside but no one was listening,

Always had a smile on her face, everyone thought her life was glistening,

But the wings she had were clipped and hurt,

What could be done, she thought she would go unheard,

Magic happened one day when she sat under the starry sky,

She opened her notebook, blank pages, she let out a sigh,

The first time that the tip of her pen touched the rough page it was the beginning of something new,

For the first time someone was listening, she found a part of herself that she never knew,

Now the grass under the sky was her favourite place,

The blue colour of the sky was the ink in her pen, she had found grace,

The books held secrets that no human was worthy to know,

She wrote about her dreams, she wrote how writing helped her grow,

Now that she had found a place where she belonged,

She didn’t need friends anymore, her book she always had along,

The smile she had never faded away,

Her wings were spread, the stars helped her by leading the way.

~afreen